Let me begin this by assuring you this post is not about garnering sympathy. I'm just myself kind of coming to terms with... something. I'm not sure what.

(Sorry that it's so long and so rambling. I had to get it out!)

So I have these medical issues. I may only be 35 but my body just has no idea.

Let's see... there are the female plumbing issues: infertility, probable endomeriosis (you can't diagnosis that without surgery), sometime I get ovarian chats too - which is pcos stuff. I have lots of those symptoms.

My periods are hideous. I can't move around too much for a few days. Pain pills that I swear take all my IQ points while I'm on them. I won't go into great detail about this one, eh? Lol.

This also is often accompanied by migraines.

I have IBS. It effects everything I eat, every meal, every day. I've blogged about the diet restrictions on here before. One of the toughest aspects of this is the emotional. For instance, let's say I have a fight with Drew. If I get really tense and upset, I will have an attack. The severity generally matches the fight but not always. Last time I had an attack that lasted 5 days. Which means I'm in pain and not functioning well and just eating rice or baked potatoes while my insides calm down. Or I'll just have one at random. I had one last week where my insides - from the top of my throat and all the way down - cramped up and stayed cramped for 13 hours. Drew was at work and I was literally crawling around the house at times to take care of the girls. It was hideous. He got home about the 8th hour and I collapsed in bed and finally fell asleep. Ugh. The next day I was just sore. Like I'd done a lot of abominal exercises.

Anyway... then there is the diabetes. Again with the food limiting. Checking my blood sugar. I hate doing that. Blah blah.

Acid reflux. I take a pill for that everyday. That keeps that at bay. But if I don't I'll actually cough up acid in my sleep. Sometimes get it in my lungs and wake up with a fever. So ya. Take the pill.

Restless legs: not a big deal but really annoying at the end of the night. I have a homeopathy treatment for that. It works great.

So what is my problem? I don't know. I sound like a freaking hypochondriac (is that how you spell that? )

Oh wait! The other extra food thing... corn. In all its forms... I have some kind of "allergy". It is mood altering for me. Which is a nice way of saying it makes me really, really grouchy/aggressive. So dramatically that Drew will physically hold me back from eating a corn chip. Poor guy. Hehe. And corn makes me exhausted. Corn, corn syrup, corn meal, corn flour... corn is in EVERYTHING.

I don't want to be defined by these things about my body. Lately it seems like I can't catch a break from any of this. I just want to live my life, be a mommy who doesn't have to say, "Sorry baby. Mommy is sick again today."

It's not who I am! It can't be. Its driving me crazy. How do I balance having all these medical issues with living life? How do I take care of them without it being the central thing going on with me?

I am sick of being sick. All of this seems to effect my immune system. I get everything that passes anywhere near me.

I'm also taking prozac for depression. Duh, right? I take a multivitamin (and finding one I could take was not easy! Chewable vegan childrens...), vitamin d, liquid vitamin b complex, glyburide for blood sugar, prilosec. I think that's it. Oh and cinnergen. It's a cinnamon supplement that makes me need less glyburide.

I hate that pile of pills. I had to get a dang pill organizer. Like I'm 75.

I do feel like this is becoming the center of my life. I want it yo be a backburner thing. All of it.

How do I do that?