Breakfast Invention

2 cups Krusteaz Pancake Mix
1 1/2 cups water
2 TBSP melted butter flavored shortening (you could use butter or oil)
1 TBSP Orange Zest (I used dried)
1 tsp Vanilla (Mexican. yummy)

1 Belgian Waffle Maker

I left the batter to sit while I made the sauce so that the dried zest could hydrate. 

Sauce:

1 can Mandarin Oranges
2 tsp Sugar
1 TBSP Honey
1 TBSP pure Maple Syrup
Pinch of Nutmeg
Pinch of Allspice
1/8-1/4 tsp Cinnamon

Boil for about 10 minutes.

Pour into another container (or you could just remove from heat). Add some vanilla. About a teaspoon.

Assembly:

A waffle.
A dollop of Greek Gods Honey Yogurt.
Mandarin Orange Sauce.

Personally I thought this was fantastic. Drew isn’t here so I don’t have another adult opinion. Hannah ate it fine – although she has a fever and she didn’t eat a ton.

Leah: This tastes good but it looks weird so I don’t want to eat it.

Me (through very clenched teeth): Go. To. Your. Room.

A few minutes later I go to her room…

Me: Seriously Leah? It looks weird?

Leah: I’m not hungry.

Me: Just stay in here until you are. (Which I only said because I knew she was lying. She’d been begging for breakfast for a good 30 minutes). She came out about 2 minutes later. *rolling eyes*

She’s now eating her waffle.

Why do I bother? I’m just going to keep reminding myself that I cook because I enjoy it. I’m worth it too, right?

PS Most of the measurements are guesstimations. Sorry. I wasn’t actually planning to blog this until the child fit started.

I’m gonna go assemble another one just to take a picture of now. I’d take a picture of mine but I inhaled it while I typed this. I might be forced to eat more bites since I’m assembling it anyway….

Update: Leah decided not to take more bites and now she’s just hanging out in her room to preserve her life.

Another Update: She came back out again and is now for real eating the waffle. Oy.



Looks like torture, eh?

Oh AND if you haven't had Greek Gods Yogurt. Get thee hence to the store!!! Store Locator here. To Die for. Honey. Strawberry Honey. YUM.

Fancy…

Are there words for this? Because I don’t have them… Someone caption it for me. Please?

The Balloons

This is a place Drew says he used to come to sometimes as a teenager when he wanted to be alone and sit by the river. It’s about 15 miles outside of town.

Yes, Wyoming already looks like winter. I know you were thinking that… In fact it was pouring rain as we left town and got on the interstate and just as we pulled up to the river it stopped raining. Just a stray rain drop now and then.

This is what 60 balloons looks like in a bunch (that’s a rain drop on the picture).

My friend at the store that did the balloons (she’s the floral department manager) put in one “It’s a Girl” balloon and one “It’s a Boy” balloon. I was surprised how right that felt. It was a great idea.

I took the balloons from Drew and held them all at once. He put his arms around me and said a prayer. Then I pulled the balloons more down around me. For just a minute they were all around me and I stood there and cried. Then I started letting them go one at a time.

Just as we got back in the car and started to drive away again, it started pouring. It felt like an acknowledgement from Heavenly Father of what we were doing there. It was very sweet.

I’m amazed at how much better I feel having done that. Lighter some how.

I ordered the fabric to make the quilt right before we left. I have a poem that’s going to go on the back of it in the corner. I found this image of it the other day…

Feeling crafty…

I’ve been sewing things lately. I should do other posts too. I made these rice packets, and another purse, and a couple of matching wrap skirts for the girls but this is what I did last night for myself while the girls were sleeping…

PS It’s completely reversible too!

Hannah was next to the purse during all the pictures. Saying “Cheese!” the entire time…

Miscarriages & Unexpected Sadness

I've blogged about my infertility, my miscarriages, my diagnosis, my recent hysterectomy but there are apparently some things that... not only have I not blogged about... I have not processed them myself.

I know I've said on here before that I stopped counting my miscarriages a long time ago. And generally in the doctors office I'll just say 20+. I know it was more than that but there has never been a time in the last... wow. 14 years next month - that I have allowed my mind to really try to gather how many times that has happened to me.

I've been reading a book called Firefly lane - which so far is very good - but in one part one of the women has a miscarriage and my reaction to that part was stronger than I've had in a long time. I was listening to the audio book as I cooked dinner and cleaned the kitchen... then I was standing at the stove and sobbing. And I have found myself over the last few days crying on and off at random.

It's taken me a couple of days to work through the grief I've been feeling. It feels so heavy. Suddenly heavier because I'm acknowledging the weight of it instead of ignoring it.

I think that I'm capable of dealing with this now (and I need to) because I've had the hysterectomy and the miscarriages are over. There was really no point in working through the grief in its entirety because it was an ongoing issue.

There are lots of people who may have a single (or several) miscarriage and do a ceremony of some type - plant a tree, let a balloon go, a little memory box, name the baby. And I guess I felt like if I started that I would have to keep doing it every time - and then how was I going to keep all my emotions in check while that happened to me over and over? I NEEDED to keep my emotions in check.

So now I'm thinking - I want to do something. Something that honors those babies and what has happened to me.

Oh and I finally discussed - out loud even - how many miscarriages I must have had in the last 14 years.

In this last year, I'd say as I look back - I had 4 this year. So let's just take that number and multiply by 14. That's 56. It may seem ridiculous since it was happening to ME but that number SHOCKED me. And Drew says to me, "but in the early years when we were trying to hard to get pregnant you had way than 4 a year." So we'll just go with 60+. I can't even... Just. Wow.

So the question is - how does one go about memorializing for themselves 60+ miscarriages?

Drew says we should buy 60 helium balloons and go somewhere and sit and let them go one at a time. I like the physical process of that idea. I think that maybe that would be like watching the weight lift from me.

I think I might also like to make a quilt - with 60 distinctly different squares. Although that's a heck of a lot of fabric gathering I'd have to do.

So one thing for the physical process and one thing to keep and hold on to that represents our journey through this.

Any other ideas? I just want to do something that feels healing. I feel an almost desperate need to do something because I can now and I've always wanted to.

Interview with Leah (Take 2)

If you do this repost with your child's name and answers & let me know you did it!

Interview #1 (at 3 years. 3 months.)

Leah - 5 years 11 months old

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Oh my word (hahahaha)

2. What makes mom happy?
When I give you lots of kiss

3. What makes mom sad?
When daddy fights with you (oh man. that's sad)

4. What does your mom do to make you laugh?
Tickle me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
a kid (okie dokie)

6. How old is your mom?
25 (I love her! - to be fair I am 35. She realized that a few seconds later and changed her answer but I'm going with the 25).

7. How tall is your mom?
taller than me

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
cook

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
take care of Hannah

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
she'll be on a tv show about pirates (huh.)

11. What is your mom really good at?
cooking

12. What is your mom not very good at?
I asked her 5 times (in various places on the list) she could not come up with an answer. I really do love that child. lol

13. What does your mom do for a job?
take care of hannah and me

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
crab

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
when she doesn't yell at me

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
spongebob (twerp. she knows I hate spongebob. she thought that was very funny)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
go shopping

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We both have jammie pants on right now

19. How are you and your mom different?
You have glasses and I don't

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
because she kisses me a lot!

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
because he buys you presents

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
The grocery store (then we had a discussion because I made a face. she came to the conclusion that I just like to go "places").

Enchiladas. Nummy.

**I just came to look something up on this blog and I was so surprised this post wasn't here. Oops. It was in my drafts...**

That sandwich...  That was homemade flat bread, a deviled egg mixture (just the yoke) with chives and bacon bits, sprouts, blue crab claw meat, sliced roma tomatoes, red leaf lettuce, avocado (salted), and mayo with a little dill on the other side. It was FABULOUS.

The other night I couldn't decide which enchiladas to make - so I made both. I did a half batch of each.

http://letsdishrecipes.blogspot.com/2011/02/white-chicken-enchiladas-with-green.html - The white one

http://www.melskitchencafe.com/2011/09/red-chile-sauce-chicken-enchiladas.html - The red one

For both I used the baked chicken that I love from the deli here.

My favorite was the white. Leah and Drew loved red the best but I didn't love the red ones more than the red ones I usually make. But those white ones are here to stay!