Adopting Again...

So now that the house is bought & we are moved. We've decided that next Jan/Feb we are going to get started doing our homestudy. Leah will be 2 in just 2 months (wow!) and if it takes about a year she'll be 3. I think that's a good time span. Of course if it takes a million years... We'll deal with it! And the other way around too I suppose. If it happens quickly - 2 years is an okay gap too. lol

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about doing all of this again. There's so much scariness. (Is that a word?)

The situation with Leah was almost a foster care situation. She was almost 40 & had been told by the state that either she found parents for her coming child or they would. So here we are. We did an independent domestic adoption but it only sort of was. The CYS office in PA had to have copies of our paperwork, etc. So we had to satisfy the foster care people too.

Anyway, I don't fee like we swooped in a took a baby from some young expectant mother's child - and she's going to spend the rest of her life regretting the decision. I would be absolutely tortured by that knowledge. I don't know what I would do. I just can't stomach the idea. I have such issues with absorbing other people's emotions. So how to I keep that from happening to us? I do I keep from doing that to someone?

And I don't trust this industry to keep all this from happening obviously.

But I feel driven to do at least one more adoption. I want another baby & I really feel like Leah deserves a sibling - most especially another biracial family member. I want that for her. I'd love if it was a girl (although we won't specify). I so love having a sister - my relationship with her is such a special part of my life. I want Leah (named after that wonderful sister) to have that too.

Anyway. I'm worried. If I lived in a more diversely populated state I would try the foster care route. But it could take a looonnnnggg time. There are not a lot of AA or AA/CC children in foster care here!

And then there's the other thing. I live in this sparsely populated state. It's not like there are adoption attorneys & agencies swarming Wyoming! I can use the church's agency (LDSFS) but that didn't work out so well before. I can use the Catholic Charities (or Services... I forget what they are called) - they don't care what religion you are as long as you have A religion & can get a letter from someone showing it. I emailed with the director a few months ago & asked her some questions. She did say that mostly have CC babies because - well, this is WY. But they can network with other offices around the country, etc. LDSFS is the same way.

There is one Quad A attorney 120 miles from here. We can use him but he doesn't match prospective parents & expectant women. He just does the legal stuff afterwards. I talked to him on the phone also. Very very nice guy. He gave me some references. He said he has done legal stuff for one woman who lives about 40 miles from here. She has done several transracial adoptions. I haven't called her yet though.

I also asked him for recommendations about homestudies. He gave me several numbers but he said he'd recommend calling the woman at the Wyoming ICPC office & he gave me her number. I haven't made that call yet either.

I'm in such a quandary. What are the chances of finding a situation like our first? Where I know for certain we aren't all going to be tortured later? D (leah's fmom) - we still talk on the phone every couple of weeks, etc. I like being able to know where she is & keep in touch with her for Leah. I know she loves her. She's such a sweet woman. She just came from a really hard life & hasn't been able to mother her children (Leah is her fifth).

Ugh.

Tell me this is going to be easy. Tell me I don't have to worry so hard.

ha ha. Can't, huh?