Everything

Well, in good news - we are totally moved out of the old place. On Monday we'll give the apt manager the keys.

Let me just say - I hated living there. I cried when we moved in. It was quite literally the only place we could find to live. We lived with DH's parents for a month as it is. There was just no where to live - nowhere to rent and about 5 houses for sale in the whole town. Right now there is still nowhere to rent hardly and about 120 houses on the market. It's amazing what a year can do!

Anyway. I hated it. I hated it so much it's hard to even talk about. But I never have to go back there again. I'd rather go back and live in the one bedroom basement apartment we had in 1997! lol. Of course, as newlyweds that was the happiest place ever. ;)

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I'm really enjoying getting to plan doing things to this place. I can't believe we finally bought a home. When we decided to adopt we knew we were making the choice between buying a home & adopting. It just wasn't possible to do both back then. But now we've done it. It's so great!

And now I'm wanting another baby... The feeling started out slowly a couple of months ago. But lately I think about it almost everyday. I'm hoping that after the first of the year we can start in earnest to start up again. And then hopefully by the end of next year adopt again. Leah will be 3 at the end of next year. I think that's a good distance apart but not TOO far apart, kwim?

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Which brings me to last night. D (leah's fmom) called last night. I had called her a few days ago so I could give her our new address. It's always good to talk to her but sometimes the conversation is a struggle. We just don't have a lot in common besides Leah. Sometimes D is interested in hearing and sometimes she isn't. She loves that Leah is starting to talk on the phone though. Leah talked to her last night with my new bluetooth thing on her ear. It was adorable. She said hi & how are you & answered her with "good" when D asked, love you, and then Bye bye! I could tell D was excited about that.

This is such an awkward situation sometimes. It wasn't what I ever pictured an adoption being like. Mostly because I wanted an open adoption but partly because this wasn't just a normal "domestic infant adoption". D had four children removed from her care before Leah. When CYS in PA found out she was pg again (when she went in for services) they told her she had to find adoptive parents herself or they would remove the baby at birth & do it for her. I don't know why the previous children were removed - the only thing she ever said was "for stupid reasons". The oldest lives with his father & won't speak to her, the middle two were adopted, the fourth lives with her brother and she still gets to talk to her quite a bit. Although just recently she moved to the same town her other dd is in. I asked last night if she's getting to see her a lot now & she said "Well, she's in school now." I don't know what that means. And I shouldn't be judgmental about it should? I'm so rude. Sigh.

I guess I look at it as seeing how she might deal with Leah in the future. She doesn't remember her birthday. :(