Stuff is wrong.

Stuff is wrong. Things are a mess. My life? Not so grand at the moment. My ability to grin and be happy no matter the circumstances - it's hanging on by a thread. I literally feel like my head is going to pop off. I have all these things I need to take care of and no solution to any of it.

Drew is - of course - still not working.

It's just stupid things. We painted the bathroom in January. We need another gallon of paint to do just the 2nd coat of edges but we have to drive 100 miles so we can get the same paint. Money impedes me.

My porch light? Hanging upside down.

Leah is growing out of her clothes. What am I gonna do about that?

Drew & I both need new clothes. Neither one of us has bought even a single tshirt in almost 2 years. Stuff wears out, kwim?

The shower head broke two days ago. Just the hand held part works now. So you can shower but it's not fabulous.

Drew's car has a flat tire as of this morning. We noticed it as we were pulling out to go to church (as I'm complaining about our upside down porch light). And - I kid you not - about 30 seconds later the alarm goes off in the van saying we are getting a flat tire in the van!

Awesome.

So I get home from church and see that one of the dogs has peed in front of the piano at some point. My house smells like dog pee right when you walk in. SICK. So drew vacuums and then gets the shampooer so I can clean the carpet and guess what? It's broke. It will suck up water but it won't spit it out to wet the carpet. Okay FINE. I dump water on the floor and start sucking it up because this has to get cleaned up! That's working out but then... all the sudden... the vacuum part breaks too and water comes shooting out the back of it all over my legs!

I can't take anymore. I can't fix these things.

Normally I feel great about the fact that in all this year & a half we haven't gotten behind on our bills. That's amazing considering how little money we've had coming in.

But after all this time there are a lot of things going undone.

My house needs painted. When we moved in the trim was painted before we got in but the guy just didn't scrape anything. Just painted over the flaking paint. So - OF COURSE - it's coming right off. We actually have access to free paint (because mom changed her mind about what color to paint her house) but we still need to buy painting supplies. Can't do that right now either.

I want little things. To buy a skirt, get Leah some summer clothes, I want to fix the grass, I'd like to buy a few trees and do up my backyard.

Leah asks me to for a trampoline every day. I wish I could get her one. Or anything to put in the backyard for her to play with. I can hear her jumping on her bed right now. It's not like a trampoline is an essential part of growing up but geez. If you could see her when she gets to one - or at her dance recital when she watched the trampoline routines. She was coming out of her skin. She wanted to be part of that SO badly.

Yes, we take her to the park (a lot actually - several times a week) but I wish there was something in the backyard besides spotty grass. And why is it so spotty? Because last summer Drew wasn't working so I only watered the front yard - and that infrequently so it doesn't look so great either.

Can I call a halt to all this?

Someone save me!

I love my family. I actually love my life. But this is just getting to be all a little too much.

I need a lifeline. Phone a friend? 50/50? haha.

And if a dog pees in the living room again. I'm going to hurt them both. I don't know who did it.