Taking back my blog!

Dear People of the World*,

There are actually reasons why my blog died. When previously asked I blamed it on Hannah. She was a baby, blah blah blah. But I blogged all through Leah's babyhood...

So here's what really happened:

My husband's family - specifically my FIL - said some rude things to Drew about my blog. I was really really hurt. He told my husband that "everyone" had discussed it and they all didn't like my blog. Who is everyone? He wouldn't say.

My heart was broken. I couldn't believe people who had been my family for so many years, didn't comment on my blog ever (so I assumed they didn't read it) could be discussing my blog and all it's negative qualities as a clan? I cried. My husband comforted me. But in his family they don't discuss these things to your face. So it was over from that point. Drew did bring it up and try to find out who but his Dad wouldn't tell him anything. So I was just left to assume it was everyone. 

From that point on I posted nothing of any depth. Pictures. Mostly about food. A surface post every now and then.

Later a commenter on my blog complained that I was only posting about food.

Done. That's it. I couldn't take any more at that time. There was too much on my plate.

But why? Why did I hand over and retreat from my little section of the internet because there are unkind people connected to me?

I refuse to continue with this. 

So here are my new rules:

You don't like me? Don't read my blog.
You don't like what I post about? Don't read my blog.
You don't like me and you're using it for fodder in your conversations about me? I DO NOT CARE.

I've been trying for 16 years to be reserved enough for this extended family but it won't ever be enough. Because guess what? I'm NOT. There's nothing mild about me. I have opinions. About EVERYTHING.

Even at that - I love to discuss them. I'll listen to what you have to say. Heck I might even change my mind! As long as you're discussing it like an adult there is absolutely a chance I haven't heard information you're offering. I might push back. I might ask questions but I'll listen too.

So there you have it. When I think of topics to blog about - I will come blog about them.

I'm in the middle of a "faith crisis" as it is called. I'm researching church (LDS/Mormon) history and I'm shocked and appalled at some of the things I'm finding. Things that aren't taught in our Sunday School Manuals at church.

I have been fairly open about it and now my husband's family is mad at me for that too. There is a movement right now called Ordain Women. Because I have been studying old history I've learned that women used to give blessings, some women were even ordained. There were Prophetess and Priestesshood. Where did it all go? I don't have any idea. So I see why these women have organized. They are asking the church to discuss it. They're peaceful, using proper channels for each thing, etc.

They're being portrayed as picket sign holding crazies. It's infuriating. Read people. READ. Find out the truth instead of using some random blog post as proof of the issues. Go to Ordain Women. Read the purpose and then judge for yourself. If you disagree, disagree! But don't lie. Don't say they're out holding picket signs. Don't portray them as awful church members or apostates. It isn't TRUE.

At any rate, I voiced my disagreement on facebook and a SIL decided to hide all her information from me, do a status and talk about how her children needed protected from "some people". I could quote it for you here but that's a bit of an invasion of privacy. Why do I know? She didn't hide it from MY HUSBAND or even all our other mutual friends. Seriously? Fail. Unless the point was to make sure I knew but also hurt me? I have no idea.

And I don't care. I wasn't rude in my disagreeing. I stated factual information. But now I'm a danger to children.

Awesome.

For me this is the final straw. I'm done attending family events. I'm done trying to be a part of something that doesn't want me. If  you can't love me for who I am... *shrug* Why should I shrink who I am to fit into something? I don't want to and I'm tired of feeling shamed for who I am.

Heavenly Father made me too. And I think I'm glorious. Am I perfect? No. Have I done things they haven't liked? I'm sure I have but since we don't talk about things in that family. I have no clue what they are. Have I made mistakes? You betcha. Maybe this blog post is even one of them.

But at this moment I don't care. I'm done with this. If you don't like me - go away. I got enough to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I have fibromyalgia pretty badly these days. Some days it's hard to just manage myself and my girls and Drew - and let's be real, sometimes all I manage is making sure the girls don't go to bed hungry. I don't have room for struggling with people who want me to be someone else.

And making this choice? I feel SO MUCH LIGHTER. It's like lifting a weight off of me. And that is priceless.

This is my blog. The End.

*That's dramatic right? And a bit grandiose. Heh. It's been so long are there even 3 people still checking my blog??