Crappy Day & Leah's Cute Hair

I'm having a crappy day.

I want another baby. I don't know when we'll be able to do it.

We have to finish paying off Leah's adoption. That won't take too much longer I don't think. As long as Drew doesn't get cut off the railroad again, of course! Blech.

But we also want to buy a house. We did Leah's adoption instead of a house. Do I have to make that choice again?

Why must I choose that?

I want a baby. Can't some just knock on my door?

I'm in a bad mood about it. Leah was in a bad mood today.

I love that girl of mine but WOW - does she have some attitude. My mother says it's cosmic justice. hmmmm....

Here's some pics of her hair today. Well, I did it yesterday (when she was in a GREAT mood & we had the best day - just me & her all day). This is fun, ya?

PS - I know those parts aren't perfect. Cameras are so unforgiving!!! But be gentle with me. She's a moving target! It's hard to make a straight part on a moving head!! LOL

Dancing & Foster care

So this morning Leah was dancing her normal little jig - which we love - and Drew decided to start doing it too. They were dancing around the living room being goofy and suddenly Drew says "Let's do the stupid dance!" & adds a kick to Leah's little jig. It was hysterical and Leah was laughing at him. Then suddenly she started doing it too. LOL It is SO fun to watch her! I love how much she loves her Daddy.

We've hit a anxious separation anxiety phase with me & her. (No not ME! ;) ) I went to a craft project thing at church yesterday at 10 AM. At 10:25 I talked to Drew on the phone - and I mean just that - I was talking but he couldn't hear a word I was saying because Leah was HYSTERICAL. She was bawling at the front door, banging and crying Mamamamamamamama and wouldn't let Drew comfort her. I was only about 4/5 minutes away so I just ran home and got both of them and took them back with me. She was so happy to see me. And she relaxed into me when I came in the door. I won't be leaving her again for awhile! She played in the gym at church with Drew and came to visit me every few minutes. She just needs to know she has access to me when she wants it.

So I have a local friend & one of my most favorite forum friends who both have (extra) kids they are fostering right now. One is temporary and one is (hopefully!!!) permanent. I am so inspired by my friends. The local friend just found out she's pregnant so she'll only be doing it until May (an aside - I'm SO happy for her about this pregnancy. It took her 5 years to get pg with her first, 3 for her second, a couple for her third - who died shortly after birth. And now this pregnancy just came out of the blue!! Very cool) My forum friend is just one of the coolest people I've had the pleasure to know. She goes into this with her whole heart and I just think she's amazing.

Drew & I have talked about doing foster care on & off for a long time. And now that we really are wanting another child - it's time to face that decision again.

We know we have to go into it with the perspective that we want to help these kids reunite with thier families. I do believe that's best as long as the parents pull it together for them, etc.

But am I prepared to get my heart broken? Is Drew? And what about Leah? What if she gets really attached and then the other kids leaves? What am I doing to her if I do that?

Any advice?

Oreos

Want to know some stupid thoughts I had today?

No?

Too bad. It's my blog

So I decided today that I was going to have some double stuff oreos. Drew had taken Leah on a walk and I was all alone. I got to eat oreos and milk and there was no toddler clammering at my feet - stealing my oreos & drinking my milk! Hooray for small moments. lol

Anyway I was reading the oreo nutrition information & I never even got further than noticing that the serving size is TWO. TWO OREOS! All I could think is who only eats to oreos?? That's just stupid. I grab a stack of oreos and head to my laptop with my glass of milk.

I eat two oreos.

I suddenly realize I can't bare to eat another one. They are so rich - these double stuff oreos.

And then I had a good laugh with myself about how funny it was the 10 minutes ago I was so ticked off at Nabisco for saying I should only have TWO double stuff oreos & now I just can't eat anymore.

I'm screwy.

About 30 minutes later I did eat one more. I just felt like I had to but I didn't even enjoy it. I need mental help.

PS Leah - in fact - DID come in and drink the rest of my milk & eat the other oreos that were sitting there.

I use the term "eat" loosely becausemostly she DESTROYED the oreos. She likes to pull them apart and eat the cookie - she doesn't seem to so much love the filling part. This last week was the first time she had them. She's a fan!

Blog Reading & The Park

Do you sometimes read so many other blogs & forums that your computer time is up before you post on your own blog?

That's what keeps happening to me. Or leah has just decided I should be done.

We took her to the park yesterday because it got up over 50 degrees. 51 even! ha ha

She hated the sand. Just after this picture:

She fell forward & FREAKED when her hands touched the sand. It was not a welcom sensation. We'll try again in a few days. Hopefully we have another day that is warm enough. Here's her looking like a diva in her stroller:




She didn't love the swing so much either - which is funny because she loves to swing WITH me but she didn't like doing it alone. Interestingly she LOVED seeing the other kids swing. She was squealing and yelling in delight watching them.

On the way home we passed a house with a small dog in the yard. Leah loves animals normally and she got excited at first but then the dog came charging (fenced yard) and was barking this horrible angry bark and I heard a cry from Leah I had never heard before. SHEER TERROR.

I never want to hear that again. It was awful. It was a very quick moment because I started to run to push the cart passed that yard as fast as we could. And although internally I was freaking out I went around to the front of the stroller and was very calm & calmed her down quickly and we started walking again. I didn't want it to seem like I thought it was a huge deal to her, kwim?

Later when Drew & I were talking about it he said he was surprised at the feeling that came over him when she cried like that. He said it broke his heart & gave him the feeling he could snap that dog's neck all at the same time. My husband is a pretty gentle man so that's saying something!

Parenthood is somethin' else!

Talking

So Leah jabbers alot but doesn't say much yet.

She says:

Mom (what she calls me the most)
Mama
Dada
Nana (just yesterday started saying it with two different a's - like na-nah - where before it was na-na)
This
These
That

She has said - bob, pop, up - but she doesn't do those on a regular basis really.

So I was asking my MIL (Speech Therapist) if that seemed right and she asked me some questions about it and then said yes. Told me things to do that I'm already doing to encourage her learning.

But today! She said PEN! She was handing it to me & I was doing my usual "Can you say pen? p-p-p-pen?" And she started making the p sound and then said "Pen".

I guess I'll stop worrying about nothing. lol. She's 15 months. Language isn't supposed to explode until 18-24 months.

PS I need a nap today so if this is unreadable with tons of typos. Forgive me. I don't feel much like proofreading right now.

Dream Moments

I had a dream moment today. I was lying on the couch trying to stay awake while Leah was playing (I'm so exhausted today!). Anyway, all the sudden Leah came over and climbed onto the couch, curled into me, and went to sleep. Then so did I.

I know it's a simple thing but it's something I've pictured my child doing a 1,000 times in my mind. And then there the moment was. Cuddlying with my daughter & sleeping on the couch.

I love being a mom.

Soup, Soup, Soup - Can I have some soup??

Leah is 14.5 months old now. She eats soup nearly exclusively.

I know it's not a horrid thing to be stuck on. She's getting plenty of veggies, etc because they are all in the soup. She'll eat things in soup that she won't eat by themselves.

In the morning she'll eat hot cereal (we rotate - cream of wheat, oatmeal/steel cut oatmeal, and malt o' meal).

She had previously given up yogurt but mid-morning today I let her feed one to herself and she ate it up. So hopefully we can add that back to the rotation. I put wheatgerm in it too. Yummy :-)

Crazy little person!



I'm gonna go upload a video of her walking a few weeks ago. It's too funny. She's stopped doing it a few days ago (the funny walk) and now it's all normal. Makes me sad. She walked like a wind-up doll before! lol

Holding your baby...

I was thinking yesterday about why it's different to hold your own baby/child than to hold someone else's.

There's the obvious emotional connection, etc. but a new idea occurred to me.

Leah knows my body so well.

When I'm holding another child it can take them a minute to get comfy. To figure out how to snuggle into me.

Leah doesn't need this time or even a split second. When I pick her up her body instantly molds into mine. When she is sleeping - she will reach out in her sleep and wrap her arm around my neck or snuggle with her back to me & her head on my arm. She never opens her eyes or anything. She just knows where she fits against me instinctively.

I love that.

I love my daughter. I love her connectedness to me. I love that her physical connection to me is a thing of "instinct" and requires no squirming to get comfy.

lost post

So my long lost post. Sheesh.

I was writing about my family. This is what it boils down to.

WHAT is with the attitude? Why is everyone always "What can you do for me?" "Who treating me right & who isn't?" "Why should I visit HER on Christmas? What has she done for me lately?"

Why is no one saying "What I can I do to help?" "How can I make this easier for him or her?"

I'm tired of asking myself that and watching people not asking it of each other. My can't people just BE NICE?!?!

Seriously. I can't stand it. We have GOT to move before the next holiday season and just have our own Christmas at home.

Ack.

I had a good holiday. I do love my family. But I do not understand the pervasive selfishness that exists in everyone's attitude and why they are all so busy making sure they get there fair share of everything and that everyone is treating them just they way they should.

Newsflash. It isn't all about you! (I want to say that to about 15 people in my family). Can you just think for a minute what it is like to have a family full of people who think it is all about them?

Don't get me wrong. They are good hearted people too. And fun. I have so much fun with my family. Lots of love & laughter. With a heaping dose of drama!

AHHHHHHHHHhh

I just wrote a REALLY long post and LOST IT. Freaking blogger! *weeping*