Picture Day

Is it okay for me to say I hate picture day?

It's expensive and the pictures are never as good as I wish because Leah is s shy with new people.

But if I don't get them Leah is sad because she feels left out. I can't stand that. So I spend the money and get the photos of my shy child. 

And... I'm going to visit my mom today and Leah won't let us leave early. Stupid picture day :p

PS Drew took that picture with his phone. Then I messed with it in an editor. Still cuter than  her school pictures usually are.

Taking back my blog!

Dear People of the World*,

There are actually reasons why my blog died. When previously asked I blamed it on Hannah. She was a baby, blah blah blah. But I blogged all through Leah's babyhood...

So here's what really happened:

My husband's family - specifically my FIL - said some rude things to Drew about my blog. I was really really hurt. He told my husband that "everyone" had discussed it and they all didn't like my blog. Who is everyone? He wouldn't say.

My heart was broken. I couldn't believe people who had been my family for so many years, didn't comment on my blog ever (so I assumed they didn't read it) could be discussing my blog and all it's negative qualities as a clan? I cried. My husband comforted me. But in his family they don't discuss these things to your face. So it was over from that point. Drew did bring it up and try to find out who but his Dad wouldn't tell him anything. So I was just left to assume it was everyone. 

From that point on I posted nothing of any depth. Pictures. Mostly about food. A surface post every now and then.

Later a commenter on my blog complained that I was only posting about food.

Done. That's it. I couldn't take any more at that time. There was too much on my plate.

But why? Why did I hand over and retreat from my little section of the internet because there are unkind people connected to me?

I refuse to continue with this. 

So here are my new rules:

You don't like me? Don't read my blog.
You don't like what I post about? Don't read my blog.
You don't like me and you're using it for fodder in your conversations about me? I DO NOT CARE.

I've been trying for 16 years to be reserved enough for this extended family but it won't ever be enough. Because guess what? I'm NOT. There's nothing mild about me. I have opinions. About EVERYTHING.

Even at that - I love to discuss them. I'll listen to what you have to say. Heck I might even change my mind! As long as you're discussing it like an adult there is absolutely a chance I haven't heard information you're offering. I might push back. I might ask questions but I'll listen too.

So there you have it. When I think of topics to blog about - I will come blog about them.

I'm in the middle of a "faith crisis" as it is called. I'm researching church (LDS/Mormon) history and I'm shocked and appalled at some of the things I'm finding. Things that aren't taught in our Sunday School Manuals at church.

I have been fairly open about it and now my husband's family is mad at me for that too. There is a movement right now called Ordain Women. Because I have been studying old history I've learned that women used to give blessings, some women were even ordained. There were Prophetess and Priestesshood. Where did it all go? I don't have any idea. So I see why these women have organized. They are asking the church to discuss it. They're peaceful, using proper channels for each thing, etc.

They're being portrayed as picket sign holding crazies. It's infuriating. Read people. READ. Find out the truth instead of using some random blog post as proof of the issues. Go to Ordain Women. Read the purpose and then judge for yourself. If you disagree, disagree! But don't lie. Don't say they're out holding picket signs. Don't portray them as awful church members or apostates. It isn't TRUE.

At any rate, I voiced my disagreement on facebook and a SIL decided to hide all her information from me, do a status and talk about how her children needed protected from "some people". I could quote it for you here but that's a bit of an invasion of privacy. Why do I know? She didn't hide it from MY HUSBAND or even all our other mutual friends. Seriously? Fail. Unless the point was to make sure I knew but also hurt me? I have no idea.

And I don't care. I wasn't rude in my disagreeing. I stated factual information. But now I'm a danger to children.

Awesome.

For me this is the final straw. I'm done attending family events. I'm done trying to be a part of something that doesn't want me. If  you can't love me for who I am... *shrug* Why should I shrink who I am to fit into something? I don't want to and I'm tired of feeling shamed for who I am.

Heavenly Father made me too. And I think I'm glorious. Am I perfect? No. Have I done things they haven't liked? I'm sure I have but since we don't talk about things in that family. I have no clue what they are. Have I made mistakes? You betcha. Maybe this blog post is even one of them.

But at this moment I don't care. I'm done with this. If you don't like me - go away. I got enough to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I have fibromyalgia pretty badly these days. Some days it's hard to just manage myself and my girls and Drew - and let's be real, sometimes all I manage is making sure the girls don't go to bed hungry. I don't have room for struggling with people who want me to be someone else.

And making this choice? I feel SO MUCH LIGHTER. It's like lifting a weight off of me. And that is priceless.

This is my blog. The End.

*That's dramatic right? And a bit grandiose. Heh. It's been so long are there even 3 people still checking my blog??

Gluten Free Pudding Brownies

These brownies are dairy-free, wheat-free, soy-free, corn-free, low-fat, egg-free, high in fiber & protein... I'm sure there is more but that should do.

They are an adaption of these: IBS Brownies - which were not wheat free. I've had IBS longer than I've been gluten free. I used to eat those brownies and just love them but it's been a long time. I decided it was time to have them again!

These are rich and decadent. You will not eat them and feel as if you are missing anything at all!

Ingredients
1 cup sugar, divided
1/4 cup garfava flour
2 TB sorghum flour
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp arrowroot starch*
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp tapioca starch/flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, divided
2 tsp baking powder**
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup oil (I used a mix of olive and canola I had on hand)
1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk***
1 tbsp ground cacao powder**** (optional)
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup boiling water

Directions
Preheat over to 350F. Spray an 8-inch or 9-inch pan with cooking spray.

Whisk together the dry batter ingredients (2/3 cup sugar, the flours, salt, 1/4 cup cocoa, baking powder, and cinnamon) until blended thoroughly. Add the oil, almond milk, and vanilla. Stir until you form a stiff batter. Spoon the batter evenly into the pan you have prepared.

In a small bowl combine remaining 1/3 cup sugar and 1/4 cocoa. Whisk together. Sprinkle on top of batter in an even layer.

Dissolve cacao powder into the boiling water. Pour over the batter. DO NOT STIR.

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until the top is brownie crackled and crisp. Serve Warm! When you cut the brownies, take the piece and flip it upside down onto a plate. Instantly your brownie has a warm chocolate-y sauce. Delicious.



 Enjoy!


*If you are not concerned about being corn-free you could absolutely use corn starch here. 

**If you ARE concerned about it being corn free, make sure your baking powder doesn't contain corn starch. If you don't have that or are unable to find it you can use this substitution: 1/2 tsp cream of tarter, 1/4 tsp baking soda, 1/4 tsp arrowroot or tapioca.

***If you would like for these to be tree nut-free just use rice milk! It works just as well in this recipe. I even had one friend make them for me when I was sick years ago. She didn't have rice milk and tried them with just water. They were still delicious. Perhaps slightly less rich.  

****You could use instant coffee. Decaffeinated would be best as the original recipe calls for. I do not drink coffee so I used the delicious cacao powder. Either way it is optional.

Random Meme

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

I can't remember ever looking in the mirror. I did take a bath but I just put my hair in a pony tail after.

2. How much cash do you have on you?

Some change. I never have any cash.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

Core

4. Favorite planet?

Saturn. I wish we could look up in the sky and see those rings around our planet. Wouldn't that make for a cool night sky??

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

Drew

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

My Wish by Rascal Flats

7. What shirt are you wearing?

I have on jammies.

8. Do you label yourself?

Nope. 

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

No shoes

10. Bright or Dark Room?

Currently it's dark. I'm watching a movie while I type. I like dark better though.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

I have no idea who it is. I just googled to find a meme to do because I get bored if I'm not multitasking.

12. What does your watch look like?

What watch? I look at my phone when I want to know the time.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping probably. I went to bed around then.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

"Totally Creepy!"

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

I have no idea. All the 7-11s turned to Kum N Go in Wyoming years and years ago. There is one just a few blocks from here.

16. What's a word that you say a lot?

What is wrong with you people??

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

Leah & Hannah at the same time when they said good night to me.

18. Last furry thing you touched?

Peaches, my dog.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

LOL that's funny. Celebrex, Claritin, Glyburide... other stuff. Crazy things like that.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

Film? Seriously? It's been a long time.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

Just before I turned 30 - five weeks before - I became a mother for the first time. 30 was definitely a glorious year.

22. Your worst enemy?

Myself

23. What is your current desktop picture?

A Japanese Maple in bloom. It's gorgeous.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Good night Children.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

That's a tough one but as my being able to fly would give me children nothing... I guess I'll go for the million bucks.

26. Do you like someone?

Yes.

27. The last song you listened to?

Be Still by The Fray

28. What time of day were you born?

10:30ish in the morning

29. What’s your favorite number?

No favorite. I like them all equally. Well... hmm. that's not true. I like pi and e the most. Not much cooler than the natural numbers. e I guess. That's the best one. It does so many things!

30. Where did you live in 1987?

Claremore, Oklahoma

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

No one in particular. I'd like to be rolling in money though. That'd be nice.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

That's funny. Maybe? My children are kind of awesome. haha. But I doubt it.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

I was just getting up for the morning. I went to check the weather to decide what to wear to school that day. The weather channel was playing footage of the first plane crash and I watched as the second one happened.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

Kick. Hit.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

Yes.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

On my hip. Maybe my ribs. Something with white ink.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

Spanish. My husband speaks Spanish and it would be lovely to be able to talk to him.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Yes. and I have.

39. Are you touchy feely?

Yes.

40. What’s your life motto?

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Ann Radmacher

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

I'm stymied. Clothes? That's all I can come up with.

42. What’s your favourite town/city?

That's hard! I love lots of places. Really it could be any city with good sushi, my children, and some family.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

I can't even think of the last time I paid for anything with cash. Oh wait! It was a few Dora dolls I bought from a woman for Hannah. I had to go get cash just to do it.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

Last December.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

Nope. Drew does that stuff.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

I have no idea. That's a good question. (that took me about an hour to come up with...) Oh I know. It was a few years ago I guess? I got an email from him asking for my baklava recipe. I guess he saw a picture of it on facebook? That was so surreal. Random.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

Very very far back on several lines. I love doing ancestry work. Don't get me started.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

It's been a long time. I don't even know.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

I have fibromyalgia. That's not a good question. Yes. That's all I have to say.

50. Have you been burned by love?

Sure.

Quick & Easy Tomato Soup

Pre-Puree

2 medium onions, diced
4 cloves of garlic, diced
2 cans diced fire roasted tomatoes
1 can diced tomatoes with basil and olive oil
1 can diced tomatoes with green chiles
2 cups of chicken broth
1 tablespoon dried basil
2 tablespoons olive oil 

Heat the olive oil in a skillet. Add the diced onions. Saute until nearly done. Add the diced garlic. Continue to saute until the garlic and onions are both golden. 

Add the chicken broth, the 4 cans of tomatoes (with juice!) and the dried basil. 

Let simmer until the flavors have melded well. 10-15 minutes. Salt and Pepper to taste. 

Puree it. Immersion Blender, Blender, food processor. Whatever tools you have. Blend it until Smooth. 

Enjoy. 

Creamy Chicken Tomato Spinach Stew

8-10 frozen chicken thighs
2 tbsp Italian Seasoning
1 tbsp dried basil
1-2 tsp granulated garlic
4 tbsp dried minced onion
2 - 14 oz. can of coconut milk, lite
2 - 14 oz. can diced tomatoes and juice
1 - 14 oz. can tomato sauce
2 cups of chicken broth
1 - 6 oz. can of tomato paste
6 cups of fresh spinach, chopped
1 - 1.5 cups of left over spaghetti sauce (optional but I always seem to have some around. Or you could use some from a jarred sauce)
Salt & Pepper to taste

Add everything to the crockpot. Cool on high for 4-6 hours or low for 9ish.

Take the chicken back out, remove the skin if it has skin, shred the chicken and pour it back in.

You can eat this as a soup or our preferred method is a scoop of rice, a little shredded cheese, and a lot of the stew on top of that.

Delicious! Way more delicious than you would think. Next time I think I'm going to add a cup or so of really finely shredded carrots.

Interview with Hannah

Hannah - 2 years 10.5 months old

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"don't get in leah's makeup"

2. What makes mom happy?
"by giving kisses!"

3. What makes mom sad?
"by don't giving kisses"

4. What does your mom do to make you laugh?
"Make silly faces!"

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"When you were a baby you were supposed to have a toy" (She looked so serious I decided not to push that any further)

6. How old is your mom?
"I don't know. Twenty ten? And I'm two. How old ARE YOU?"

7. How tall is your mom?
"You're short down here but I'm shorter down here." (all with hand motions)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"Put make up on" (huh? I do that maybe once a week probably less lol)

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"Look for me" (haha)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"opening candy!" (I am pretty awesome at opening candy....)

11. What is your mom really good at?
"going to bed" (I totally rock that. She's right.)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"not eating sushi" (Truth.)

13. What does your mom do for a job?
"to take care of us & my tiny bum"

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
 "Shrimp" (It's crab & sushi but shrimp is a high up there.)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"putting make up on" (I'm sensing a theme here...)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"a woodpecker" (huh. who knew.)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
"watch Diego!"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"our skin looks the same"

19. How are you and your mom different?
"You have boobies" (nice)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"you give me hugs"

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
"giving him hugs!"

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
"Sushi Hut!" (She means Tokyo Bowl. I never have figured out why she calls it Sushi Hut!)

My Paper Towel Moment

A few months ago I was getting ready to wipe up a stain. I had that moment where you decide "dish towel or paper towel". A moment mom's have all over the world 100 times a day. It happens in a split second of course but that particular time I actually thought about it.

Self: Why do I ever pick paper towel? Hmm.

Self: I do it to keep the kitchen washrags and towels looking nice.

Self: Wait. Why do I care about that?

I am here to happily report I have not bought paper towels in months. And... my dish towels and rags look like crap. I'm not worrying about stain removal. It's not like they still don't clean everything up. They just don't look as pristine in the drawer.

That's my little contribution to less waste in the world.

And evidence that I have whole conversations with myself. 

Simple Woman

(I want to start blogging again. This seems like an easy
start again. I used to like doing these.)

Find it here.

13 Jan 2013

Outside my window... It's cold. Oh so freaking cold. The first I looked this morning it was -6. I didn't open it to find out the windchill. I didn't want to know.

I am thinking... It's almost nap time for Hannah. Which is wonderful but it seems likely she'll stop hand feeding me candy when she goes - that part is sad.

I am thankful... that it's so warm inside my house!

In the kitchen... It's clean (yay me). Yesterday I made some wheat free, corn free, dairy free bread. It's delicious as it always is. I love Pamela's bread mix! I also made some cookies. Ground almonds, coconut, dried apricots, and fresh apples. Ridiculously good. No flour involved. Double yay.

I am wearing... PJ pants and an inside out t-shirt. The seams were bugging my fibro skin. lol

I am creating... Nothing particular at the moment. Aside from this blog post.

I am going... to make myself something yummy for lunch after this.

I am wondering... about the path some choices set us on. There's no changing some things, eh?

I am reading... A Memory of Light (Book 14 of the Wheel of Time Series), Fablehaven Book 3, Misquoting Jesus (that one is slow going) and I just bought Rough Stone Rolling (a book about Joseph Smith)

I am hoping... that Drew gets to move back home soon! I'm really not a fan of doing all of this on my own.

I am looking forward to... making something yummy in a little bit. lol

I am learning... patience? maybe.

Around the house... things are good. I decided to start doing Motivated Moms again this year and everything is staying caught up - a miracle really.

I am pondering... lots of things. Most of them religious this morning.

A favorite quote for today... “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” -Margaret Mead

One of my favorite things... Sushi. I wish that is what I was having for lunch.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Just getting through it so far!

A peek into my day...

Hannah hanging out in her bathrobe, watching Barbie's Princess and the Pop star while I write this post. She refused to smile though.

Pants

I just wanted to state - for the record (even though I never blog anymore haha) - if I owned a pair of dress pants I'd have worn them to church on Sunday. My husband told me to go out and buy some but I didn't want to drag my children around with me to find them as he was out of town.

Reading some of the reactions I wish very much that I had. I didn't see anyone in my ward wearing pants and I wished there had been someone so I could go hug them!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, feel free to ignore this post.

Pants on Fire

Why I wore pants on Sunday

Wear Pants to Church - Pictures

Why Pants Matter


That's all.

Just wanted to put that out there.

Thomas Jefferson -

"I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accommodate ourselves to them, and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also, that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also, and keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."