Pictures!

Just having a fun picture day...

Smile for mommy!

Helping daddy do the dishes. She did this of her own accord.
Pulled the stool over there and got up on it. lol

Nana's front porch...

So cute!
18 months old this day...

Walkin' down by the river...
She LOVES onion rings!
Funny mood LOL
She loves ice (& her cousin!)
Throwing ice off the porch & laughing like a maniac.

That's a lot of pictures. Sometimes a mommy just can't make choices!

Long day

Today was long. Leah woke up at 6. I had to speak in church today - I spoke about doing service in the community & being active in politics - and I was up until midnight preparing. She napped from 10 to 11:30. And then just fell asleep again about 30 minutes ago. I don't know what it means that she was asleep before 6:30 pm... ugh. But I had to let her. She was sitting on my lap & I literally had to catch her from falling over because she basically just passed out all the sudden. Poor kid. Sundays are rough because church is at 12:30 and normally she would be asleep at that time. We got home about a quarter to four. I made hamburgers (mixed hamburger & italian sausage actually - very good!), made a cheese sauce, did french fries in my deep fryer - curly fries, etc. I made lots extra because my SIL said she would probably come over for dinner and then she didn't come. oh well!

But now Leah's sleeping, Drew is doing that dishes and I came to share some pictures of my gorgeous girl!

but alas... she has woken up again. I'll have to come back and do it later!

Ugh!!

Religious Stuff

So I'm a religious person. It's not something I talk about a lot online... I think mostly because it's something that is sacred & precious to me. I don't normally throw my beliefs out into the world to listen to them debated. Especially since LDS (mormon) - which I am - have I mentioned that on here? - anyway... especially since LDS beliefs are so often bashed on anyway.

It's been a few years since there was a major moment where I had to deal with that. I think that last time was in college when there was a guy with a HUGE (like 8/9 feet tall) sign walking around campus and written all over it was all the people he through were going to hell - every sin you can think of written all over it. And then across the bottom in letters 3x as big as every thing "AND ALL MORMONS!"

It's an odd thing to be walking to class & be reminded there are people who hate you for your very existence. It's not like I don't KNOW that but nonetheless - it sort of smacks you in the face all the sudden.

I know my religious history but it just seems like in this day & age it shouldn't such an issue. Naive of me though - it was legal to KILL Mormons in Missouri until 1975. I was BORN in 1975. There were massacres, many many people were tarred & feathered, etc. It's just crazy.

Anyway!

I've been reading my scriptures every night before bed. It's a goal I always have but I'm not successful much LOL. Routines are not my strong point! But I've been really good lately. Especially since I got my PDA. I have them all on there and I can read wherever I am! I love it.

PS When I say "scriptures" - in the LDS world - the means Bible (Old & New Testament - King James version), Book of Mormon (similar to the Bible but about what happened in the Americas), Doctrine & Covenants - mostly church history & current revelation, & the Pearl of Great Price - which includes the books of Moses & Abraham.

So I'm reading in the book of mormon & the first book is called "Nephi" pronounced knee-fi...

and I've been writing so much background here I have forgotten what I was going to write about Nephi. I'm not even kidding.

I'm losing my mind!

Well, okay. I'll switch tracks. Maybe it will come to me later... Sigh.

Grace - a few months back I said I was going to write a post about grace because I'd seen it mentioned on another forum & I was ANNOYED.

This is a topic I've spent a lot of time studying and so many people just scrape the surface. I don't BY ANY MEANS completely understand the depths of this topic though. lol

Here's the thing - among the Christian religions - there seem to be two camps. Those that say "You are saved!" and then that's it. You are required to do nothing at all. You're just saved.

And then the other camp that says you are only saved IF you done all you can do. You've done all the work and then when you couldn't work anymore - Christ finishes the rest.

I don't think either thing is totally true (not that there are really just two camps - what I've discovered in my research is that there is a third).

Yes - Christ giving his life for us is a gift. It is a freely given gift that requires no works on our parts. I firmly believe that.

HOWEVER, I think in TRUE acceptance of that gift you do the works. You do what Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ would have you do. The works come AFTER you accept the gift NOT before.

I've often heard several analogies that I think have it all wrong. For instance, you are running a race or marathon & you run has hard and as fast as you can. You wear yourself out until you have nothing left. Then at this point Christ picks up the slack and finishes the race.

Or you have a bank account and when you've used up everything you have then Christ makes up the rest

etc etc etc.

When I first started researching this topic I thought to myself "Why do we pray then?" I mean - really. If I'm all alone until I've totally used myself up... then why am I praying everyday? If I don't get any help until I've collapsed?

I think that's the inherit flaw in these analogies.

Christ & his saving grace & the atonement are NOT just there when we have failed. He is there at EVERY moment, every turn, every bend in the road, every struggle, every trail. When he died for us and he took upon the sins of the world - he didn't just take up on our sins! He took on every emotion, every sadness, every trial, every single moment. So when the scriptures teach that Christ knows YOU specifically. It's because He does. He KNOWS you. Every single sorrow.

And His grace IS for everyone. He stands offering that gift - requiring nothing in response - but as we accept that gift and apply to our lives, we will do the good works and help further His causes in this world because when you are living a Christ-centered life you notice that people who need your help more, you notice the little things that need done. That neighbor needs her porch shoveled, those people need dinner one night to ease their burdens for a day, etc.

**PS I'm sorry if this is disjointed. I've been writing on & off for more than an hour because I'm taking care of Leah too. lol But now she's finally asleep! woohoo!

There's lots of scriptural references for all of this. I'm entirely too lazy to put them on in there for right now. And since it's been about 2 hours since I started this. I'm tired of writing!

I just want to say: I know my Savior loves me. I know He knows me. I know He cries when I cry, aches for my sorrows, rejoices with me, and celebrates my triumphs. And I know that when I pray and ask for help, He helps. That is the point in praying everyday.

And I'm very sorry about all the typos in this but I'm tired now. Feel free to ask me questions about anything you read. I'm happy to answer. hehe. Sorry if it doesn't make sense!

Everything!

I'm just starting to type this post and my dear daughter is waking up! She's only been asleep 45 minutes. This will NOT do. I'll be back....

Okay.

I haven't posted in forever. Let's see. First

Leah - She is talking like crazy. I swear she says about 5 new words a day. Yesterday said said cheese & please & other stuff I can't remember. lol. Sunday she said grandpa & house before we were even out of bed. It's sooo fun to hear her little voice. I just love it.

_____

Leah & I went to Utah for a week. We visited a forum friend and her son (who is only 5.5 weeks younger than Leah). The kids played together soooo well! It was great fun. He taught Leah how to go downstairs. I've showed her so many times but apparently she needed to see another kid do it. We went to a place called "The treehouse museum" It made me want to live near a city. It was a kids imaginary play place. There were sooo many activities in there and it was a blast.

http://www.treehousemuseum.org - check it out!

And then the next day we went to the Hogle Zoo. That was a great time. It was amazing to watch Leah's intelligent eyes scanning a tree for an animal and then pointing and jabbering when she'd spot it. I love seeing the world through her.

Then we went south of SLC and visited one of my friends from high school. She has a 3.5 year old & a 5.5 month old. It was a wonderful visit. We have known each other so long & have crazily similar parenting styles (attachment parenting) and it's so nice to just BE with her. I love that about our friendship.

I also met her friend Melissa who I've wanted to meet forever. She has a site at www.rawmelissa.com - she's a raw foods chef. If you live in Utah you should check out her classes & her services!

And this morning I got an email from Melissa and she knows one of my roommates from college!! How crazy is that? Sometimes the world seems like a very little place.

___

I'm doing a Thai cooking class tonight. I've been prepping all morning. We are having spring rolls, corn pancakes, red curry chicken, & coconut ice cream. The spring roll mixture is made, the coconut ice cream is setting in the freezer (when it's partially frozen I have to put it back in the food processor to get a good texture). I have chopped most everything for the corn pancakes - including husking the corn and removing it from the cob! I need to chop veggies & chicken for the curry dish. It's not 'til 7 tonight but I think I'm gonna have to head over there about 6. It's going to take me awhile to get it all in the car by myself with Leah. (Drew is at work.)
___

I think that's pretty much it. OH! A woman whose parents live her (and she grew up here) just had quadruplets! They are going to be staying here with her parents for a little while so we are taking them some meals. I signed up for the main dish for Wednesday. I bought them a ham. I have to cook that tomorrow. I couldn't decided what else to do for 6 adults and 4 kids. Full house! They are the nicest people. The babies got released after only TEN days!! She did amazing amazing amazing!
____

Crazy story!

Last Friday we got home from the grocery store and there is this cat laying on the front porch (not anything special - happens a lot around here). But this cat looked kind of lifeless. So I go pet the kitty who just lays there and I start checking it out. The cat has a kitty cold & some kind of skin infection & is SOO skinny. It's eyes were swollen & mucous filled. Poor kitty!

FYI - if a cat can't smell, it won't eat. This is why cat colds are dangerous for cats. They get all stuffed up and won't even drink water because they can't smell it. So a cat can die from dehydration while they just have a cold.

So this cat also had lost a lot of hair on it's body (not head & tail) because of the skin issue. I could tell it was someone's pet but it was in BAD shape. Some kind of Persian cat too. (smooshed in face)

So I tell Drew "this cat is NOT going to die on my front porch". I can't deal with that. I am a CAT LOVER! So I go to put Leah down for a nap & Drew took the cat to the vet's.

He went in without the cat & told them the situation. They say "Go to the shelter". He goes to the shelter and it's closed so he calls me. I tell him "go back to the vet & make them help you!" So he goes back to the vet (still without the cat - it's in the car) and talks to the secretary again. She tries calling the police to see if they know where the animal cop is. In the meantime, he finally goes and gets the cat and brings it inside so they can see it. And then, of course, the woman is all "ahhhhhhhh" - because this cat is obviously so sick. She says they'll take it and Drew tells her we are willing to pay for the cats care just please call us if they think it needs put to sleep because we'll take it home. (I had another cat a vet wanted to do that with that had a cat cold and I nursed that cat back to health!) So they have our info & he leaves....

Before he's even home all the way she calls him again...

because....

IT'S THE VET'S CAT!!!!

It ran away 10 days ago & they thought it was gone for good! They were so excited. And I was so excited knowing that cat was for sure going to get the best care. :-)

What are the chances? not just that we had the vet's cat but that the cat crawled onto the porch of someone who would care enough to do something about it??

Happy crazy ending!

I hear Leah stirring again. I hate teething. She can't seem to sleep solid. Ugh.

Bye! :-)

A Parent's Love

Today's thought:

It's a GOOD thing that we don't understand how much our parent's love us until after we have children.

Think for a moment how much you love your child(ren)...

Imagine if you really understood how your parents felt about you at 5, 10, 15. Can you fathom the pressure you would have felt to please your parents?

I want Leah to know that I love her beyond measure but I don't want her to really really KNOW until she has children of her own.

I love that little girl!

PS - Thanks for the compliments on her picture! :-)

Extra PS - It is SNOWING outside right now. Aye Aye Aye.

Gorgeous Girl

I took this picture about 30 minutes ago. I think it is my most favorite picture ever!

Empaths

So this stems from last night's Amazing Race but I'll get to that in a minute.

Before my maternal grandmother died (all my grandparents have died so I have to specify) she was on dialysis. At one point mom & I took her to her appointment & we were sitting in the place waiting - just in the waiting room after they got her all set up.

Now, you have to know about me that I'm an emotionally driven person. It effects every choice I make. My emotions ARE me.

The other thing is I absorb other people's emotions. I don't actually believe in magical powers - but as my sister said to me before - if there really is such a thing as an empath - you ARE one. It has taken me a long time to learn to separate my own emotions from the people around me. I'm good at it now & it isn't such an issue but.... well, it just used to be.

Anyway - I'm sitting in this dialysis center and just feeling like I can't BREATHE. It was literally like all the saddness & emotion of that place with sitting on my chest. I had to go outside and sit in the grass to wait for my mother. (Grandma stayed there for four hours - we went back later to get her.)

So last night I'm watching the amazing race & they go to Aushowitz - the concentrate camp from world war II. I would seriously not have been able to do that & then just shake it off and keep doing the race. I think more likely I'd have been catatonic from the death & sadness that I'm sure is just dripping from every part of the earth & buildings that are left.

I was crying just watching. More emotional than the contestants were! For sure, they seemed to all feel it. I just don't think I would have been able to shake it off so well.

I don't know what that means. Just an observation :-) If I ever get to go there it will have to be the only thing I do that day & then back to bed!

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow

Well. That last post wasn't particularly coherent was it? LOL

It's been snowing here for days. I thought I'd post some pictures I posted on my forum. This was the progression over 24 hours of the snow. Since then we've gotten a couple more inches but not much. It think the storm has finally moved on.

6:45 AM

Middle of the day...

The next morning...

That was yesterday (the last picture). It's pretty dang cold now. When I got up it was -1. The low today was supposed to be 23. LOL - Apparently not. We've gotten up to 15. It's hard to imagine that 4 days ago it was 62.

I guess we apparently need the moisture pretty badly so I suppose I shouldn't complain but I'm really annoyed that I had to turn the heat back on!

Crappy Day & Leah's Cute Hair

I'm having a crappy day.

I want another baby. I don't know when we'll be able to do it.

We have to finish paying off Leah's adoption. That won't take too much longer I don't think. As long as Drew doesn't get cut off the railroad again, of course! Blech.

But we also want to buy a house. We did Leah's adoption instead of a house. Do I have to make that choice again?

Why must I choose that?

I want a baby. Can't some just knock on my door?

I'm in a bad mood about it. Leah was in a bad mood today.

I love that girl of mine but WOW - does she have some attitude. My mother says it's cosmic justice. hmmmm....

Here's some pics of her hair today. Well, I did it yesterday (when she was in a GREAT mood & we had the best day - just me & her all day). This is fun, ya?

PS - I know those parts aren't perfect. Cameras are so unforgiving!!! But be gentle with me. She's a moving target! It's hard to make a straight part on a moving head!! LOL

Dancing & Foster care

So this morning Leah was dancing her normal little jig - which we love - and Drew decided to start doing it too. They were dancing around the living room being goofy and suddenly Drew says "Let's do the stupid dance!" & adds a kick to Leah's little jig. It was hysterical and Leah was laughing at him. Then suddenly she started doing it too. LOL It is SO fun to watch her! I love how much she loves her Daddy.

We've hit a anxious separation anxiety phase with me & her. (No not ME! ;) ) I went to a craft project thing at church yesterday at 10 AM. At 10:25 I talked to Drew on the phone - and I mean just that - I was talking but he couldn't hear a word I was saying because Leah was HYSTERICAL. She was bawling at the front door, banging and crying Mamamamamamamama and wouldn't let Drew comfort her. I was only about 4/5 minutes away so I just ran home and got both of them and took them back with me. She was so happy to see me. And she relaxed into me when I came in the door. I won't be leaving her again for awhile! She played in the gym at church with Drew and came to visit me every few minutes. She just needs to know she has access to me when she wants it.

So I have a local friend & one of my most favorite forum friends who both have (extra) kids they are fostering right now. One is temporary and one is (hopefully!!!) permanent. I am so inspired by my friends. The local friend just found out she's pregnant so she'll only be doing it until May (an aside - I'm SO happy for her about this pregnancy. It took her 5 years to get pg with her first, 3 for her second, a couple for her third - who died shortly after birth. And now this pregnancy just came out of the blue!! Very cool) My forum friend is just one of the coolest people I've had the pleasure to know. She goes into this with her whole heart and I just think she's amazing.

Drew & I have talked about doing foster care on & off for a long time. And now that we really are wanting another child - it's time to face that decision again.

We know we have to go into it with the perspective that we want to help these kids reunite with thier families. I do believe that's best as long as the parents pull it together for them, etc.

But am I prepared to get my heart broken? Is Drew? And what about Leah? What if she gets really attached and then the other kids leaves? What am I doing to her if I do that?

Any advice?