First Crush

So in my search for an idea to post today (NaBloPoMo!), I decided to go pull out this journal jar thing I have. It has these little curled pieces of paper and a question on each one.

So what do I get?

Well first I got tell about your grandkids. Right. Not helpful.

Tell about your first love/crush.

Hmmm. Okay. I can do that.

Oh wait. He's on my facebook. These posts are imported into my facebook. Hello? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

I think I can do this without saying his name.

But what am I supposed to tell about him. I totally loved him from like 7th grade on. I got mostly over it during our sophomore year but really I just didn't see him very often anymore. There were other crushes before him, during him, after him but he's my most intense memory of childhood/teenage-hood love.

You know how every once in awhile you meet someone you're attracted to but in some kind of "your mind and body have some chemical reaction of their own" way? I'm sure there's a fancy name for that. I didn't really know what that was when I was so young but through junior high school and beyond I have these memories of him coming up behind me - but not touching me - just to walk by - and knowing it was him before I turned and saw him. And thinking that was so weird - was I psychic or what?

We moved away from there the middle of my junior year but the months before that he was mean to me a couple times and I was not really all that enamored with him anymore. I am - as I always have been - a very sensitive person - and really he didn't KNOW me at all - and I didn't know him - but oh I was ever so in love. Funny though - there were other guys during that time that really did get to know me very well. Two I can think of specifically - also both on my facebook. I guess I won't go there either. LOL

I have as an adult met other men that you have that kind of moment or connection with - not frequently - but it always makes me think of.... "he who will not be named". (no he's not Voldemort. Or evil - well as far as I know he's not evil. He seems rather benign on Facebook at least!)

Which btw I'll just say - I love facebook. I love knowing how people turned out and what they're wives/husbands/kids look like. Although I really just want them to be happy. There is another guy's family on there - he's not - who I adored for many years and I've learned he's gotten divorced and doesn't sound happy and it made me cry. I wish he was on facebook too so he could tell me he is happy and I wouldn't worry. Of course maybe he's not. I suppose EVERYONE isn't happy. Even the happy faces I see on facebook. I want people I love/loved to be happy even if I don't get to know them anymore.

And the other thing - I'm so surprised how much I still care about the same people. If facebook didn't exist I'm sure I wouldn't think about it. But I care about those same people - even though I don't know about their lives now - or really them for that matter - certainly I'm not the same person I was at 15! haha. But I love that facebook gives me a glimpse into them. Very cool!

Anyway - that's about all I can say about him I suppose. I think I can do that without revealing him. Except I suppose he'll know if he remembers any of it.

Both in 9th grade -

Once he was sitting next to me in the hallway during lunch and we were talking - and this other girl walked by and smiled at him - he just kind of ignored her - but then a guy across the hall (his best friend I think at the time) says "Hey! She got her braces off! Now you can kiss her without hurting yourself!" - or something like that. I thought he was going to faint. He yelled at his friend to shut up. It was very funny.

One other time - I was talking to another guy and we were kind of flirting and the same best friend walk by and says to the guy I'm talking to - you should stay away from her. He's gonna be mad. I still to this day don't get that. We weren't together or even really talking at that time. Was there some kind of decree I belonged to him? Boys! lol

There. I did it. That's an odd pointless blog post.

All for your entertainment.

It was either that or I post the Gummi Bears Theme song. I do love that song....