She's still clingy. Just in case you were wondering....
No really. That's not what I was going to talk about. lol
Last night Drew & I talked about it and I was really upset (she was sleeping). Upset about how to handle it, upset about what's going on in her head, upset about how he hasn't been home for a whole day in forever and that's taking a toll on Leah and I. Just Bleh.
But Drew is a good sounding board and as we talked about Leah and how she's feeling and I was crying and he was soothing me and asking why I was so upset and pointing out I wasn't even breathing right.
And as I'm babbling, something comes to the surface... I can't fix it.
Oh. My. Gosh.
So then for a minute I sob into his chest.
"I can't fix it. I'm the mommy, I'm supposed to fix it. I can't fix it."
Her little heart has realized that some things in the world are not safe. She has to have this realization but it's a realization that can never be taken back. Once you know, you can't "un"know it right? It makes me ultra sad.
I can only comfort but I cannot take it away or fix it. It's done.
So there's the gist of my angst. Sometimes it takes awhile for me to work my way around to what's upsetting me about something - but there it is.
She's just hit upon something I can't make better.
Ouch.
Well, that and the constant clingy-ness. lol But that's easier to deal with when I've recognized my own angst in the situation.
Whew.
Posts
It’s Not About Hate. Not Entirely.
9 years ago
2 comments:
You can't fix that she knows, but you are fixing her fears. One day she wont be so afraid, because she knows that you guys love her and will do everything you can to stay safe and keep her safe. She'll know that the home you provide is a safe place and you guys have created that safe place together for her.
The hardest lesson that I continually have to learn is that I'm not in control and i can't fix everything. I can only help my kiddos work through whatever it is, and be their security blanket, their love and support.
I love you and miss you and I'm really glad you're blogging. Hi to drew and leah, and especially to leah from my kiddos. They really miss you guys too.
i understand that pain...that helplessness. my moment of clarity on this subject came when i realized that i couldn't do one single thing about the pain and emptyness my girls have from their 'father'. it's something they have to figure out over and over again.
it sucks.
but i concur with kristin. you are giving her the safety of knowing that she is loved and a safe place to be and the tools to deal with things.
she'll figure it out. she's a smart kiddo.
and again...you are a great mom.
Post a Comment